Review: Indiana Jones and the crystal skull.

Military convoy races hotrod to area 51. Colonel ties his shoe and guards become ventilated. Indy and British dude are in trunk. Find magnetic mummy. British dude is double agent for commies. Indy and commies have big action scene in warehouse ending by riding the rocket out into desert. Indy finds town full of mannequins and hides in fridge. Nuke goes off and Indy pops out of fridge in prariedog town. Indy talks to FBI. FBI follows Indy. Indy talks to greaser about secret letter from his uncle. FBI wants letter, but greaser punches jock in face and good old greaser VS. Jock fight breaks out in diner. FBI chases Indy and greaser on a motorcycle. Motorcycle drives thru library and loses the FBI. Fly to South America and look at loony bin cell where uncle stayed. Get clues and go to Inca/Mayan/Aztec graveyard. Fight some slinky monkey whack a mole type guy. Go into tomb. Find magnetic crystal skull eventually. Pop out of ground and meet armed Commies. Go to a Commie vodka dance party. Find more clues and have a car chase in jungle. Greaser meets monkey army and apparently Monkey armies hate commies. Big ants attack and eat people. Run away! Drive Schwiminwagen into the river and plop over three waterfalls. Head in behind secret waterfall passage and find lost civilization. Lost civilizations sleep inside fake plaster walls and hate people that find them. Crystal magnetic skull scares them all away. Find a tunnel down with disappearing spiral stairs of DOOM! Run down stairs FOREVER…. and get to bottom before stairs disappear. Find room full of crystal skeletons, one happens to be missing his head. Armed Commies show up. I guess Commies are light as a feather and floated down like dandelion seeds in the cool spring breeze. Put the skull back and find out the crystal skull people are aliens from between dimensions. Commies die…badly. Good guys leave and Indy marries some chick I forgot to tell you about. Oh yeah, Greaser is his son.