Stop Hammer Time.

In a galaxy far, far, away…… HAMMERTIME!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about "Stop Hammer Time.", posted with vodpod

Why are smart people so dumb?

With all this genetic engineering going on would it be too much to ask for some grass that only grows two inches tall? Can someone explain to me why they can clone monkeys that glow in the dark, but can’t make a lawn that doesn’t need mowed? Does anyone care about glowing clone monkeys? If you do care about glowing clone monkeys, then you are one of the smart dumb people I am referring to. With all the worry about green house gases would it not make more sense to work on grass that doesn’t need mowed, or glowing clone monkeys? I mean sersly NO ONE CARES ABOUT GLOWING CLONE MONKEYS!

Pics of the Cricket.

That’s the name of my car. “Cricket”. Why Cricket? Funny you should ask. I work with a guy from India who is a Cricket fan. Not the bugs, but the sport. You have a question about Cricket, you ask Kalpesh. Have you ever heard of a “home run”? Well, in Cricket there is a similar event called “Taking you for a six”. We were talking about the car the other day and he asked if I have “taken anyone for a six” with the car, meaning beat them in a race… I hadn’t, but the topic turned to everything on or about the car that led to six.

It has a “six” cylinder engine, It has a “six” speed trans, It has “six” windows, top speed 14″6″, speedometer goes to 1″6″0, Its a 2004 which if you add the numerals 2+0+0+4=”6″, The radio has “six” presets, It is a GTI VR”6″, If you add up GTI VR6 it equals “six”, It has a 24 valve engine and 2+4=”6″. The car has a CD changer, a “6” disc changer.

So the car had to be named Cricket. If you see me at the track, be prepared to be taken for a six…

VR6

GTI

Mo’ Dubs, Mo’ Bettah.

I picked up a 2004 Volkswagen GTI VR6 yesterday. I had a guy named Gary at GRS Motorwerks here in Warsaw find it for me. This is the second car we have purchased from Gary, and probably not the last. He has really nice high end low mileage cars for a very fair price.

I volunteered to ride along to Chicago and pick up my new (to me) car. What better way to get to know your car than jumping in and driving through Chicago?

The car is faster than I expected. It will still accelerate in sixth gear at 80MPH.  I will get pics up as soon as it gets detailed and is shiny. Right now I just can’t stop driving it…

My fast whispers to me.

It’s my Birthday!

I am almost old, but stop…. Hammer time!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about "It’s my Birthday!", posted with vodpod

SWINE FLU!!!

Quick everyone run around in circles and scream! One of two things are currently happening. One, we are heading down the road that ends with “Trash can man” and a nuke. Or two, we are once again being whipped into a frenzy by the panic mongering media.

Let’s explore scenario one. The flu will spread all over the world as amazing speed, 98% of the population will die, people that are left will flock to a crazy old lady or a scary dude, Que “trash can man” and a nuke, game over.

Now let’s have a look at scenario two. From as far back as I can remember the media has truly enjoyed hyping the mundane to create interest in their mostly boring daily lives. Lets reminisce with some of the most ridiculous things I can recall.

1: Killer bees. Remember when we all died from the Killer bee invasion?

2: Child abductions. Remember when everyone in America had their children stolen by freaks in old vans?

3: Shark attacks. Remember when everyone within 100 feet of any ocean was eaten by a shark?

4: SARS virus. Remember when everyone died from the SARS virus?

5: Bird flu. Remember when the entire human population died from the Bird flu?

6: Swine flu. Remember when everyone died after the “trash can man” showed up with a nuke?

On one hand I am a little worried about this. People are dieing from the swine flu, but on the other I am getting really sick of the media screaming “WOLF!” and expecting me to take them seriously… they are almost always wrong.

Does anything NOT cause global warming? ANYTHING?

Here is a short list of things that I have seen in the news that someone has determined causes global warming.

1. Cars

2. Cows farting.

3. Mowing my lawn.

4. Bottled water.

5. Spam E-mail.

6. Fat people.

7. Making solar panels.

8. Appliances.

9. Power plants.

10. Volcanoes.

11. Humans in general.

12. Eating food.

13. Toilet paper.

14. Making bumper stickers about global warming.

15. Drowning polar bears.

16. Printing e-mails.

17. Sending e-mails.

18. Reading blogs.

19. Searching for ways to stop global warming on the internet.

20. Al Gore.

Sersly… Is there anything on God’s green Earth that doesn’t cause global warming? I smell an agenda.

Pirates must be stopped!

I brought this up quite awhile ago. Now that they were brazen enough to attack a ship flying the US Flag I think they got a taste of what we can do to little weak drugged up Pirates. Now is the time to send a clear message to these scallywags! The last thing we want is for Obama to say something that isn’t on a teleprompter… Special Olympics anyone? So I have prepared the following statement for our Commander in Chief.

Pirates. We are the United States of America. Make no mistake, we have the means to crush you. We have been to Somalia before. You were smited nearly a thousand to one by our Elite Special Forces after shooting down our Black Hawk helicopters. Shawn French feels this was captured to perfection in the feature film Black Hawk Down. I the President of these United States am signing into law these “Rules of Pirate Engagement” Or R.O.P.E. as it is known in the acronym crazy U.S. Navy.

1) If you encroach within 500 yards of a ship flying the Stars and Stripes, we will kill you.

2) Actually if you get within 500 yards of any ship, we will kill you.

3) If you tell anyone to walk the plank, we will kill you.

4) If you have a parrot, we will kill you.

5) If you go to the beach and put even a toe in the water, we will kill you.

6) If you have an eye patch and we think you are drinking too much water, we will kill you.

7) If we feel you are saying the consonant “R” too much, we will kill you.

8 ) If you have a Jolly Roger T-shirt, we will kill you.

9) If you eat limes on a regular basis, we will kill you.

10) If you even THINK about shooting down a Black Hawk helicopter, we will kill you.

That’s not a cup holder, it’s a Rain Gage!

Yesterday was one of those days that seems funny at a later date. It isn’t quite funny yet. Work was interesting to say the least. I can’t get into the details because of the incredibly sensitive nature of my job. Suffice to say it is in line with the remainder of this story.

I realized my drivers license has been expired for nine months. So I spent my lunch hour at the friendly neighborhood BMV. Did you know if you are over six months late you have to take the written exam? Did you also know if you have a motorcycle endorsement you have to take that written exam? Were you also aware that whoever wrote those exams doesn’t actually drive, or has ever sat on a motorcycle? Four out of twenty five questions on the motorcycle exam were about drinking alcohol. I guess bikers are drunks…

After work I needed to go to my second favorite place on Earth… The Dentist. Oh by the way the top was down on the Jeep and the doors were at home, and it was having a wicked thunderstorm. I had hail in my cup holders. Cold rain hitting you at 40 MPH when it is 45 degrees outside is uncomfortable. By the time I came out of the dentist office there was about a 1/2″ of water in my cup holders. Care to guess how much water was in my seat cushions? Cold cold water…

Helping just because.

We have had massive flooding here in Warsaw Indiana over the last couple days. it looks like the waters are still going up for at least a couple days. After work My wife and I stopped at the local sandbagging station to help fill sand bags. We met a couple guys who were filling bags and putting them on a trailer. Their names were Dominic and Sam. They were kind of surprised we were there to fill sand bags since we didn’t need any. I think they thanked us ten times. We filled probably 30 to 50 bags, tied them, and loaded them on the trailer.

If you are sitting around reading this blog post, and are within driving distance of Warsaw, get in your car and come help these people out. The sand bag station is at the Embarq building. It is on West Center Street but you can’t get there by driving through town. You guessed it, West Center Street is closed due to flooding. You can get there by heading West on old 30 and turning left at the Time Out Inn, then left again at Zimmer.

Black Hawk Down… No One Gets Left Behind.